To be in constant prayer

Since I can remember I have always been a thinker. I have hours of memories of young Haley scheming up elaborate plans and story plots for my Polly Pockets. Often at the dinner table my parents would ask “what are you thinking?”, but it would be so hard to answer with the full truth because in reality there was so much to be said, and so many ideas to be shared.

As I got older, my inner thoughts became company, as if a childhood “imaginary friend” never left. I would say this friend was nice, but the moment something did not go as planned, this friend was always was the first to tear me down.

So why am I confessing to you that I am probably slightly insane? Well I believe (and hope) it gives context to what I am about to say.

I want to challenge you to be in constant prayer. When you wake up, while you’re peeing, while you are writing a test etc. Choose constant prayer. Practicing this skill has completely changed my relationship with God and my inner thought. I believe even if you do not practice any sort of religion, why you should choose to pray constantly because it can improve the way you think about yourself. (so please don’t stop reading xoxo).

Before coming to Guatemala I barely prayed. I even remember a week where the only prayer I said was one before dinner, the prayer being the same routine phrases I have been saying since I was five. This left my inner thought/ friend all the room to entertain my mind. For the sake of not wanting to sound too crazy let’s call my inner thought/ friend Lisa.

As mentioned previously, my relationship with Lisa was never the healthiest. I often let Lisa say things about me that were quite harmful, and even started to believe them. I let my Lisa control not only my mind but even my actions. I was so consumed by Lisa that I even put myself before others, to the point that it really hurt the people around me that I love. Sadly, Lisa isn’t the type of friend who you lose contact with when you leave the country. She and her negative words came with me on my gap year. When I would spend time with the children, Lisa would tell me I am not lovable. When I would teach Bible stories, Lisa would tell me I am not smart enough or I don’t know enough about the Bible to teach it. I became so tired of Lisa, I felt that I wasn’t fully invested in my work.

So I made a life change, I started to pray constantly and now my life is perfect. Have a good life.  The end.

No, it wasn’t that simple. It started with a desperate cry for help. Asking God to take away my negative thoughts whenever I could feel Lisa creeping back in. “God please, I am tired of these thoughts. Please, take them away.” I used this prayer multiple times a day, by simply filling the inner thought time with these prayers, I was consciously forcing Lisa out of my mind. I noticed the difference and the more I prayed, the more Lisa would stay quiet. After getting to a healthier point with Lisa, I began to just pray even when Lisa was being nice. “Wow, God the sun is so bright today. Thank you for your creation.” “God YOU have made such beautiful children. Thank you for the impact they have had on me.” I even prayed, “Can I get an AMEN for wearing shorts to Zumba in November… God, thank you.” Soon my one way conversation with Lisa became a two way conversation with God. I have truly felt his presence when I feel lonely or his strength, when I am weak. I had no more room for Lisa, no more room for her to bring me down. I only had God, constantly bringing me closer to himself.

I tell you all of this because I challenge you to not only get closer to God through prayer but in order to be a better version of yourself. Leave no more room for the Lisa’s I know we all have. Allow yourself to love the things about you that Lisa tells you are not lovable. I know it’s hard and Lisa and I seems to always be connected at the hip (or brain). Whether you believe this or not, I believe God wants to be your replacement Lisa and talk to you everyday.  I hope that I didn’t ruin the name Lisa for you and that you will be able to change the way you view and talk to yourself through constant prayer.